Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
