You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
