I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize