You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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