That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
