so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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