it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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