she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
