Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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