Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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