As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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