Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
