But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
