I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
