If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
