he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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