it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
