My nipple is on Facebook.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
