The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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