You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
