dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
