its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
