yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think my moral compass just broke
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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