I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
