I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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