i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
