Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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