Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
