Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
