Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
