My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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