you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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