They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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