i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
