Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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