there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize