can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize