so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
