if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize