My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
