so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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