I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize