I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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