genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
