If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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