ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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