Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
