Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
