Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
