Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
