Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
