I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize