My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
