I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize