I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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