About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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