Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
These tits shall not be calmed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
