Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
