Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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