so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
