How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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