im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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