you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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