just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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