she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
