I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Someone came in the potted fern
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
