I am puke
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
