i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Boobs are out for the taking
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
